I saw some yarn lying on the floor today. It was a lovely, deep, plum purple colour. I picked it up, intrigued. I saw the top of a huge picture of a woman on the label, and I turned the yarn around so I could see all of her – I was wondering what the yarn looked like knit. But the woman wasn’t wearing a hat or a scarf or a poncho made from the lovely purple yarn – no, she was wearing a heavily beaded earing and a pearl-coated tank-top. I was confused. Whats the point of putting a random woman on a yarn label?
Curly silver letters were on the label, too. “Vanna White.” Hm. Perhaps she’s a famous knitter or something. Oh wait…Vanna…isn’t she that person on Jepordy or Wheel of Fortune or something?
More curly letters – far bigger than the last. “Vanna’s Choice.”
The white-toothed, two-tone haired woman who looked younger than she should stared back at me, her sparkling earing flashing. The words above her head said “The yarn for all your projexts. I know you’ll love it as much as I do.”
I don’t think the yarn company’s using Vanna’s face to sell their product - I think they’re trying to scare you into buying it…like threatening a child: “If you don’t buy this yarn…Vanna will eat you!”
It’s been said that the Volkswagen Passat has the lowest ego emissions of any German-engineered sedan. Which is nice. Because you get features like those found in high-ego German sedans, but without all those nasty ego emissions. So we’re not about to ruin our low-ego rating with an ad full of boastful, “high-ego” language. We’ll just stick to the facts.
“Great!” you think, “It’s about time some ad did that…”
We submit for evidence our 280HP 3.6L narrow-angle engine.
“Um. What’s a…never mind, I’ll keep reading these..facts..”
A transverse-mounted V-6 that can go tire to tire with just about any of our country counterparts.
You get the pun. “Tire to tire…that’s funny. Transverse-mounted wha….?”
This ad broke down your guard by telling you that they’ll be sincere, but they didn’t tell you they’d explain what the facts meant. We think “that sounds pretty high-tech” and we’re dazzled into considering the car when only a car mechanic would know what those terms mean. They could mean nothing! The car company could be telling us that there’s a narrow-angle engine (which is in every car) and a particularly stable review mirror with a magnification of 6. Don’t get dazzled by fancy terms.
Tall, dark, and delicious. We decided to create the richest, most intensely flavoured chocolate possible and then set our sights even higher. That’s how the world’s first and finest organic chocolate was born. It begins with the best organically grown cocoa beans, handpicked and ground until they burst with pure, deep, dark flavour. Our chocolate is then stirred continuously to impart an exquisite velvety smooth sensation. At Green & Black’s, we take as much pleasure in cultivation this chocolate as you will in eating it. Well, almost. Green & Black’s – Made with passion. Consumed with pleasure.
Doesn’t that sound delicious? It sounds so rich and flavourful that I completely forgot that I don’t like dark chocolate.
We may be seduced into buying something because the components sound good or purely because the advertiser sweet-talked us. They might use the best ingrediants but they may be awful chocolate makers. They might stir the chocolate continuously, but they might burn it, too. Who knows what went on behind that smooth, dark chocolate bar.
I have a problem with these ads. Almost everyone has seen them. I’ll take an example from an Eggo ad:
An inflated picture of a stack of pancakes, a perfectly melting pat of butter on top and picturesque waterfalls of seemingly warm, glistening syrup. The caption on the bottom of the page says: Whole wheat and fiber have never been so warm and fluffy.
What’s wrong with this picture?
You think for a moment. Um…nothing…? They’re making their waffles nutritious…good for them!
No. What is a pancake? Answer me that. A pancake is basically bread, and with syrup it’s also sugar. So a pancake is bread and sugar. Does that sound nutritious? When you hear the phrases ”whole wheat” and “fiber” in a sentence, you automatically think that the pancakes are 100% good for you.
Personally, if I had nothing but pancakes (bread and sugar) for breakfast I would end up grouchy by the time lunch came around. So what if they’re whole wheat? It’s still just bread and sugar. And just because it’s whole wheat doesn’t mean it actually tastes good.
Thank you folks. My first post is finished.
